I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
