The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
