this beer tastes like vomit already
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize