also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
