please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
