Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
