I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
