I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
