I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
