if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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