I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
