Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
