I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
