I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
