youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He better not be in your backpack
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
