I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
