home. puking in laundry basket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
