he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How naked do you want me to be?
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