he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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