there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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