if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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