your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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