the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
