You're my little dorito
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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