Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
