Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
