May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
