In the future we'll all be gay
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
