he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
