3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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