so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
