That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize