I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
there is glitter all over my balls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
