my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
