At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
