I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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