i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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