I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
