don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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