Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
