it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you traded sex for a burrito?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
