Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
