O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
