it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize