we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
