I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
