I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
