a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
