Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
