grandma shit on top of the toilet
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize