Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
