I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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