if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
