i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
