now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
