he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I sprained my soul last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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