Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
