Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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