I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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