I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
