Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
