she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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