Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
