Will you blow on my dice?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
