I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
