Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
