she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
