i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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