It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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