so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
