Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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