I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
