I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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