just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
