he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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