I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize