I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
