Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
