i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
