i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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