So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
