Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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