i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
