its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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